For Kassy. For every mother after.

The story behind the kause

Kassy.

Kassy was born September 24, 1993 in New York — a happy, energetic, independent baby. She started walking by pulling her hand away and falling and getting back up. She danced ballet and jazz from age three. She learned violin, viola, piano, and clarinet. She was a Varsity cheerleader at Cleveland High School in Rio Rancho, and one of the first to graduate from the new building.

She was the third of seven children — the younger sister who somehow had the old soul of an advisor, and the older sister who was a mama bear to the ones behind her. She couldn't wait to grow up, finish college, get married, and have her own family. She enrolled at CNM, then went on to Pittsburgh to study occupational therapy. Her plan was to work with children, helping them build the skills to be self-reliant. She had already started shadowing a therapist at a children's facility. She knew.

Then her college sweetheart was finishing up at UNM, and she came home. They had a small family wedding in December and started planning the larger reception for the months ahead. Soon after, she found out she was pregnant — a week after losing their puppy to parvo. She switched from grief to excitement the way young mothers are expected to.

She kept working full-time. She was promoted to a management position. She tried to set aside the daily vomiting, the insomnia, the bloody noses, the aches she had never felt before. She tried to set aside emotions she couldn't name yet. "When will I feel normal again?" she asked. Neither she nor her husband had any idea that pregnancy could cause an illness this debilitating. It has a name: perinatal depression.

On March 22, 2015, after a long, stressful, and emotional night, Kassy took her own life. She was 21. She was four months pregnant. She had no history of depression. She had spoken to many of us the day before, and had plans for the days ahead.

What we have learned since is that the rapid rise and fall of hormones during and after pregnancy can disrupt brain chemistry, and that depression does not discriminate by age, race, education, or social status. About one in four pregnant women and new mothers experience some form of it. No one is immune. And the cost of not naming it is sometimes a daughter.

Kassy's Kause is what we built so that another family would not have to learn this the way ours did.

— Susan Aguayo, Kassy's mother